Chester & Rodney – Sorry No Likey

I haven’t been into the city in a while and was thinking about taking the ferry in. I love the city. I remember every trip I take into the big apple. I even remember one Friday years ago. This wasn’t one of my notorious PB&J adventures, no sir. This time I went in with Mom, Dad and grandma. Actually, Hudson and Morgan were there, too. It was so cold and windy that day. Manhattan is like one huge wind tunnel. My hair was flying all over the place, I remember having to stop three times to comb it. I should’ve worn a coat and hat because it was as cold as it’s ever been. I might have even seen snow, I don’t remember well. What I do remember is that I saw some people camping out on 49th Street to see Daniel Radcliff. At first I thought they were waiting for me, then I noticed they were unfazed as I walked by. Some glanced over with nary a look of recognition.I must admit that I was confused by the fact that they were completely unimpressed by my presence.

Why were we in the city, you ask? You see, the three of us were hired to work on Saturday Night Live. I wonder why they call it live? Is there a dead version I don’t know about? But I digress, it was my first time walking around the city with my folks, first time going into the NBC studios, and first time working with eight other dogs, six of whom were strangers! A trifecta of firsts, if you will. And all at the tender age of nine months.

When we arrived, we met up with the six other dogs, and we all had to go up to the studio together in a freight elevator. That was only my second time in an elevator, the first was at the Javits Center. The Javits elevator was small, so I knew that something was up…or down, depending on where you’re going. The NBC elevator was huge, which made me think we were all walking into a little room for some sort of clandestine canine meeting.You know, to discuss important topics such as: to bite or not to bite, running away, should one dig out or sprint through an open door, when crate use gets out of hand, and other such topics.Imagine my surprise when the room started moving.I stayed cool and pretended not to notice. The Greyhounds, on the other hand, looked a bit panic-stricken.Besides my Golden and Crested siblings, there was a Shih Tzu, an Old English Sheepdog, an Irish Setter and a Scottish Terrier.

My thoughts on the dogs? The Shih Tzu…well, who would want to go through life with that answer to “what breed are you”? The Greyhounds were spitting images of my Afghan sister Desi on a bad hair day. They could have been used as the “before” image to Desi’s “after” image in a Hair Club for Dogs ad. The OES reminded me of an over-stuffed pillow. At one point I even laid my head against it and started to fall asleep until Mom gave me a dirty look. The Irish Setter resembled an undernourished, sun-burned Golden Retriever with low set, houndy ears. The Scotty looked very distinguished, it was almost as if I was like looking into one of those fun house mirrors.

We filmed a pre-taped skit for the live show. Hudson and I had to sit by the Sheepdog and Setter, then interact with them and eat some food off the table. We quickly realized that the Setter was in season. I found her scent intoxicating and had a bit of trouble concentrating. Hudson seemed unfazed and was able to work, but then he was almost three years old and already a seasoned actor. I was still a baby. Still,at nine months of age I did a heck of a fantastic job in that environment. I also socialized with a million people at the studios, all of whom asked what breed I was.It was almost embarrassing that so many people singled me out in a group of dogs to say how “adorable, beautiful, sweet, well behaved…” I was.I felt a bit guilty that none of the others was the target of this pouring of public admiration.

Before that weekend, I’d never watched SNL because I’m an early riser and it’s on well after my bedtime. I enjoyed the show, however, and would have become a steadfast fan. Unfortunately, despite my stellar performance, my segment was not used. They only used a millisecond of the pre-tape. The millisecond consisted of the Shih-Tzu sitting at a table.T o make matters worse, because of the duration of the clip, one could barely tell what one was looking at. Most upsetting. I really thought that my salubrious lifestyle would lead to instant stardom. Alas, said stardom was not as forthcoming as one would hope. To this day, I have never allowed that bitter disappointment to discourage me in my quest for fame.

Photos Courtesy Of The Author